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“Free Gift”, and other poor grammar that boosts your sales

February 16, 2007 on 12:50 pm | In Advertising, Copywriting, Internet Marketing | 19 Comments

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Copywriter Bob Bly refers in this post to a debate he’s been having with one of his newsletter subscribers about the phrase “Free Gift”. Although a gift is necessarily free, many direct response ads and sales letters feature this phrase, along with many other instances of poor grammar, like:

Excessive… use… of… elipsis and other punctuation marks
“Use of quotation marks around headlines”
Phrases like, “return the product for a prompt and courteous refund” – what exactly is a “courteous” refund?
Lots Of Headlines Printed In Sentence Case
Sentences that begin with “and”, “but” and “so”.

Mr Bly’s correspondent argues that “Free gift” is bad writing, whereas Mr Bly’s position is that you should do what works. Including “Free” has been proven to outsell the alternative – so why not use it?

I’ve conducted tests in the past that use “unconventional” English, and where these outperform the control, it’s not uncommon for a client to argue for staying with the less effective version that features “correct” grammar.

While typos and sloppy punctuation are unacceptable in marketing materials, isn’t this all about greater response for less marketing spend? Whadayareckon?

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Nice article, i took a look at Bob Bly’s blog and there is some nice content there too.

Comment by Marius Church — February 23, 2007 #
All web copy writers (and web site owners who like to write their own copy) need to read the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves by Lynne Truss.

Take a look at this Sydney catering web site and note the asterisk at the end of the first sentence of the first “reason”. An asterisk placed thus usually indicates the presence of a footnote or special condition applying to the preceding claim. See if you can spot the footnote. Decide if this is bad punctuation or something got left off.

Comment by Graham Bannister — February 23, 2007 #
Hi Marius – yes, Bob Bly’s blog makes great reading – there’s lots of good stuff there to check out.

Hi Graham – many thanks for letting me know about the problem with our comments on this blog and thanks for the example. The old “asterisk” device is a good one and the footnote appears to be left off (I’m assuming deliberately). I haven’t seen it done this way before – what are your thoughts on how effective this is?

Comment by Will — February 23, 2007 #
Clearly a cunning device by the author to attract phone calls to find out what the note pertaining to the asterisk was supposed to say.

Comment by Graham Bannister — February 23, 2007 #
Hi,

I think Bob Bly is almost certainly correct in his assertion that you should â€œdo what worksâ€. I also believe, however, that it is important to consider the ramifications of writing with deliberately incorrect grammar in certain industries. Everything that we write or say about our company can affect how the company is perceived, which can ultimately affect the bottom line.

Sure, writing unconventional or even incorrect English may outsell the alternatives, but what impact does it have in other areas? If youâ€™re working in the copywriting, editing, education, or legal fields, writing incorrect grammar â€“ say, offering a â€˜free giftâ€™ could bring in more clients, but could also make those clients less willing to spend top dollar for your services. On the other hand, using officiously correct grammar can make you sound pretentious and stuffy. Ultimately, you need to decide how much â€˜incorrectâ€™ or â€˜correctâ€™ grammar can affect your branding before leaping to whatever slogan will bring in more enquiries.

Perhaps the best advice comes from Strunk and Whiteâ€™s Elements of Style. â€œWould you write â€˜The worst tennis player around here is Iâ€™ or â€˜The worst tennis player around here is meâ€™? The first is good grammar, the second is good judgment.â€

Comment by Horatio Millhouse — February 26, 2007 #
I completely disagree with those who say that you should make your writing grammatically correct. When I’m writing, I try to write how people talk and don’t care about grammar as long as what I’m writing makes sense.

But I’m a pragmatic guy, if someone could show me that being grammatically correct resulted in more sales, I’d change my ways, but until then…

Comment by Gary Ruplinger — February 26, 2007 #
Hi Graham – hmmm, interesting. Does it, in fact, work? I would personally avoid approaches that deliberately confuse the audience because on balance I believe a confused audience is less likely to respond. But I’m always open to testing.

Hi H.M. – thanks for your thoughtful post. I agree that in some industries the grammatically correct alternative will outsell gramatically incorrect “marketese”. For example, a professional proofreader would probably find that clear, concise correct English would boost response more than shoot-from-the-hip DM copy. *If* you found that even in one of these “sensitive” industries that “incorrect” grammar worked better than correct grammar, I guess an executive decision would need to be made, probably on the basis of branding or some such.

Welcome, Gary. We’re on the same page. As per Horatio’s post, I guess there are some industries where grammatical correctness will boost sales, and others (most, I’d guess) where plain ol’ straight shooting works better.

Comment by Will — February 26, 2007 #
I think the theory is that people ring up and say “What does this asterisk on your ad mean?” Once you have them on the phone the deal is done – or so the theory goes!

But as they say in the Dilbert cartoon:

It’s no use listening to what anyone else has to say. They will either be agreeing with you or talking stupid!

I think it was Dogbert.

Comment by Graham Bannister — February 27, 2007 #
Hi guys just back from the bank they didn’t ask what the asterisk meant, but it was meant to have a footer but yellow pages left it out
but the phone still rings. Keep an eye out for more marketing bloopers they laughed when i said i was great marketer but their eyes popped when they saw my income hint for every one what would happen if you took one day a week off in your business ??

Comment by Catering Expert — February 27, 2007 #
Hi all,

My first impression regarding the asterix and absent footnote was that it was a careless omission rather than a “cunning device by the author to attract phone calls to find out what the note pertaining to the asterisk was supposed to say” as Graham suggests. Such a device, I thought, was either a sign of sloppiness or a suggestion that the author had something to hide. Either way, I would say that damages credibility.

Last night, however, I came across a brochure apparently utilising the same tactic. On one hand, I found that it made me instantly suspicious, especially since the benefit it was attached to was promising rather grandiose results that really do warrant a disclaimer.

On the other hand, I must admit it did pique my curiosity. I’m not their ideal prospect but I suspect that if I were (and was not already sold) then I would be seeking clarification and call for more info. As this particular benefit is not core to the product it might open the door to upsell an additional service.

The brochure I speak of was obviously written by a capable copywriter and I’m inclined to believe that such an omission could be useful. I guess split-testing one with a footnote and one without would shed more light on its effectiveness.

Comment by DMC — February 28, 2007 #
When you get a break from all that banking you are doing, Catering Expert, I hope you might find time to re-acquaint yourself with Chapter 24 of Herschell Gordon Lewisâ€™ On the Art of Writing Copy; a seminal work which any self-respecting marketer must surely have in their library.

The chapter is titled The Asterisk Exception and Lewis doesnâ€™t like it one little bit. This is, in part, what he has to say on the subject:

The Asterisk Exception works like this: An ad or a brochure makes a claim – a flat statement, unblemished by an â€œifâ€ or â€œbutâ€ clause. Then, at the end of the statement, we see the tiny symbol of contempt for the message we just interpreted so favourably: an asterisk. We know what weâ€™ll find as we look down the page: a disclaimer.

In my opinion the Asterisk Exception is a virus we have to fight . . . itâ€™s out of hand. Itâ€™s epidemic. Itâ€™s the automatic choice of writerâ€™s who think readers wonâ€™t notice an unpleasant appendage to a message if it is relegated to asterisk status.

I agree with his sentiments entirely. Perhaps Yellow Pages did you a favour by deleting your disclaimer? Iâ€™m intrigued to know what it said though!

More in the context of the original them of this thread Lewis opines that the rule of clarity (in getting the message across)should take precedence over the strict rule of grammar – but not to the extent that illiteracy prevails.

Comment by rockoyster — February 28, 2007 #
My apologies the last sentence of my previous post should have read “. . . original theme . . .” not “. . . original them . . .”

Any chance of a “message edit” facility Phil?

Comment by rockoyster — February 28, 2007 #
Hi Jeff – so it was an oversight rather than a deliberate technique. Sometimes such oversights can lead to interesting discoveries…

Welcome DMC – thanks for your comment and insights. Rather than leave it out altogether (creating cognitive dissonance), what about the “Some conditions apply – call for details)” approach? The only real answer is to do a split test. I’ll see what I can do over the next month or so.

Comment by Will — February 28, 2007 #
Oops – missed a few additional comments there. I just saw Graham’s post about the “Asterisk Exception”. Some marketers seem to think that the asterisk is a valuable involvement device. More split tests anyone?

Comment by Will — February 28, 2007 #
Great to see this thread evolving.

I surmise that the Catering Expert’s Asterisk Exception said something like:

You probably can’t believe how good this offer is so give us a call on 1800 888 140 so we can reassure you.

Comment by Graham Bannister — February 28, 2007 #
Hate to be pedantic DMC but “asterix” is a cartoon character which used to be in books when I was a girl but has inevitably made it on to YouTube.

Thanks for the great blog Will.

Comment by Vickie Britten — February 28, 2007 #
Free gifts can serve as appealing perks but offering them can also make it seem like you need to “buy” customer loyalty. Prove your worth in ways other than ‘perks’ and these won’t really be necessary to attract new customers. Word-of-mouth can be very effective.

Comment by Liara Covert — March 24, 2007 #
Hi Liara – I agree with your comment that WOM can be very effective. But what is WOM than other people “selling” the value of your product/service to others for you. In other words, some type of value transfer has taken place. Free Gifts are just one way to tranfer value, but they do achieve the objectives of (1) making it easier to say “yes” than “no”, (2) demonstrating value upfront and (3) instigating reciprocity.

If you test 2 ads, one with a premium (gift) and one without, and the gift wins, obviously you’d run the one with the gift.

Comment by Will — March 29, 2007 #
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